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Wednesday, June 30, 2010

A Revelation of Sorts..

My friends and I have always had the same question as to why the man we think is right for us seems to for whatever reason slip away. A string of potential reasons flow through our heads, and usually we end up blaming ourselves because we see ourselves as the common factor. Well today I am here to tell you it is NOT you!

Let me give you a scenario:

You meet the perfect guy, the guy that has everything you wanted wrapped up in this nice handsome package. You think, “FINALLY I’ve found him, no more dead end relationships or horrible dates!” You two start “ talking” and you have so much in common, things are wonderful! You cannot believe your luck. Fast forward to four or five months down the line and he still hasn’t asked you to be his girlfriend. You just can’t figure out why, you’ve been helpful, sweet, fun, and just all around enjoyable. You ask yourself, “ what have I done wrong?” and whenever you try to leave the situation, he urges you to stay and to just let things “ flow”. So, then you think, “ am I rushing things, “ let me just slow down”. But you see when you “ slow down” in order to make him happy, you are settling. Then the relationship eventually ends because, the distance he’s created between you is now unbearable. And forever, you wonder what happened between you. What caused that rift?

The revelation:

Well ladies, I’ve figured it out! Have you noticed that this usually happens to successful driven women that know exactly what they want and where they want to go in life. You are beautiful and are mature enough to what you want and where you are going, and because of these traits you are seen as a woman with great “ wife potential” meaning that men look at you as someone they could marry in the future.
Okay, now look at the men that this random rift occurs with; are they successful? Do they know what they want in life? Probably not. (I am not by any means trying to knock people that are still trying figure out what they want in life) Ladies, it is important for us to understand that no matter how wonderful the man is, if he is not secure within himself and confident in his abilities to “ provide” he will not feel comfortable enough to take your relationship to the next level. And this is NO reflection on you.
Especially in Muslim cultures and African cultures alike, the man is the provider and he is expected to “ take care “ of his family and this is a mentality that is ingrained in their brains since boyhood. Therefore, when a man encounters a woman that is successful, beautiful, smart, and is the same culture or religion as them, they are immediately attracted, and interested. They will pursue her until they get her to fall for them, BUT once they have her and they realize that this is going to turn into something serious… the fear sets in. This thought plants itself in their minds, “ How can I continue this, and ultimately marry this girl when I have no idea what I want out of life” and then they begin to distance themselves from you.
Have you ever noticed that your girlfriends with successful marriages are married to men that are well into their careers? Or at least on their to achieving whatever goals they have set for themselves? A man needs to be confident in himself before he can confident in a serious relationship.

Moral of the story?

Look at the entire picture, not only what you have in common with “ Mr. Perfect” or how great he makes you feel. You have to look at him as a whole and make sure that he is strong enough to build a foundation with you. For anything to last it needs a strong foundation, and that requires two strong partners to make that happen. I hope my revelation helps you, as it has me.

Good luck ☺.

2 comments:

  1. wow...
    I must say that I am completely FLOORED by this post. I happen to be going through this EXACT thing right now with this wonderful Muslim brother who clearly is thinking as you so perfectly put it: "How can I continue this, and ultimately marry this girl when I have no idea what I want out of life."

    For a second, I felt like something was wrong with me and now that he's distancing himself, Ive sort of just paid attention to work and my studies. InshaAllah, he'll come around. If not, I'll be ok!

    Thanks for your revelation! It has definitely helped. I appreciate it. I needed it. Continue to blog! :-)

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  2. Interesting read...a few good points. However, is a woman really settling just because she agrees to slow down for a man that she can see herself having a future with? As a young black man, I agree that I do feel an immense amount of pressure to provide and protect. With being able to provide for someone else comes a very strong financial responsibility. So is it wrong for him to want to ensure his own lively hood before engaging in a relationship with someone else? Why not allow him the extra time to feel comfortable in his position that way when he is ready to be in a relationship with you you want have to jump the massive hurdles that financial burdens can create?

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