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Thursday, December 24, 2009

Ignited Matrimony ...



Marriage: legal or religious ceremony that formalizes the decision of a man and woman to live as husband and wife, including the accompanying social festivities. Via dictionary.com

The “accompanying social festivities” part is the only part that seems easy to put together to me, and just to put things in perspective it takes about a year to plan a wedding.

Unfortunately, the place I am in my life right now comes with the constant reminder of marriage and family. Along with people in my life who worry about their relationship status too much and see marriage as a goal that they MUST eventually reach and every major decision they make, the idea of marriage is considered.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I do want to get married…. someday, but it is not something I dwell on.

I believe that marriage comes to you when it is SUPPOSED to, when God wills it for you. No matter how hard you try to alter who you are to please someone you believe to be “ perfect”. Perfect, they are not ..trust me I’ve been there… No one is perfect …they are only perfect for you.

Don’t ever settle! Make sure this individual fits all that you want in your eternal partner. For example, here are a few things that I would never compromise: He has to be Muslim, educated, kind, understanding, funny , and open to new things.
Now, these are mine…what are yours? Make a list so that you know what you want, concretely.

You must also keep in mind how serious the commitment of marriage is. When you marry someone you are PROMISING forever to that person, divorce should not be an option you fall back on, but a last resort.

When you are considering someone you should keep in mind compatibility not only love. Ask yourself; do I like this person? Don’t think about how good they look ..or how hot your kids will be…or how much money they make or the family they come from. Do you like them? Could you spend everyday with them?

If you can say yes to that question, then by all means! Go for it! Make it forever!
I just believe that every marriage should be that fairytale. The one beautiful day where you marry the person you love and sixty years later you still look at them the way you did on your wedding day. So, make smart decisions not ones just in haste or that are a product of outside pressures. It is your life, your love, and your future.

I wish that for all of you…

1 comment:

  1. I love the post. Specially since it is what I see everyday. In a place that is so hard to actually meet someone from the same background people feel like their options are very limited and think that they should consider any marriage offer that comes their way. They also feel like they have to please Abaya"Mom" and Aba"Dad" and they look at the list that their family puts forward(Rich guy with a house and a good reputation even though lord knows what he's been up to) rather than the qualities they want that person to possess like your list. I would also like to say that the pressure starts when we are so young that for most people it's easy to give in. Happiness in marriages are very rare and it really is sad to see because for me my marriage is more than just a contract to my husband. It is a partnership in which we both work hard together to achieve our goals. It is our promise that we try to live up to everyday that we will not let eachother down. We do not have certain roles in the house and you will find him doing more house work than I do. But how many people have that? The answer ofcourse is that it's not a lot of people. So those who find themselves pressured should not give in because like you said it's your life and you should live it the way you want. Your parents, Aunts, uncles, cousins...have their own lives to live so just be nice about it and say "Dua ushulugn"(Pray for me)when they start getting into your business. That should get them off your back trust me I know!

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