A Revelation of Sorts..

My friends and I have always had the same question as to why the man we think is right for us seems to for whatever reason slip away. A string of potential reasons flow through our heads, and usually we end up blaming ourselves because we see ourselves as the common factor. Well today I am here to tell you it is NOT you!

Let me give you a scenario:

You meet the perfect guy, the guy that has everything you wanted wrapped up in this nice handsome package. You think, “FINALLY I’ve found him, no more dead end relationships or horrible dates!” You two start “ talking” and you have so much in common, things are wonderful! You cannot believe your luck. Fast forward to four or five months down the line and he still hasn’t asked you to be his girlfriend. You just can’t figure out why, you’ve been helpful, sweet, fun, and just all around enjoyable. You ask yourself, “ what have I done wrong?” and whenever you try to leave the situation, he urges you to stay and to just let things “ flow”. So, then you think, “ am I rushing things, “ let me just slow down”. But you see when you “ slow down” in order to make him happy, you are settling. Then the relationship eventually ends because, the distance he’s created between you is now unbearable. And forever, you wonder what happened between you. What caused that rift?

The revelation:

Well ladies, I’ve figured it out! Have you noticed that this usually happens to successful driven women that know exactly what they want and where they want to go in life. You are beautiful and are mature enough to what you want and where you are going, and because of these traits you are seen as a woman with great “ wife potential” meaning that men look at you as someone they could marry in the future.
Okay, now look at the men that this random rift occurs with; are they successful? Do they know what they want in life? Probably not. (I am not by any means trying to knock people that are still trying figure out what they want in life) Ladies, it is important for us to understand that no matter how wonderful the man is, if he is not secure within himself and confident in his abilities to “ provide” he will not feel comfortable enough to take your relationship to the next level. And this is NO reflection on you.
Especially in Muslim cultures and African cultures alike, the man is the provider and he is expected to “ take care “ of his family and this is a mentality that is ingrained in their brains since boyhood. Therefore, when a man encounters a woman that is successful, beautiful, smart, and is the same culture or religion as them, they are immediately attracted, and interested. They will pursue her until they get her to fall for them, BUT once they have her and they realize that this is going to turn into something serious… the fear sets in. This thought plants itself in their minds, “ How can I continue this, and ultimately marry this girl when I have no idea what I want out of life” and then they begin to distance themselves from you.
Have you ever noticed that your girlfriends with successful marriages are married to men that are well into their careers? Or at least on their to achieving whatever goals they have set for themselves? A man needs to be confident in himself before he can confident in a serious relationship.

Moral of the story?

Look at the entire picture, not only what you have in common with “ Mr. Perfect” or how great he makes you feel. You have to look at him as a whole and make sure that he is strong enough to build a foundation with you. For anything to last it needs a strong foundation, and that requires two strong partners to make that happen. I hope my revelation helps you, as it has me.

Good luck ☺.

Ignited Matrimony ...

Marriage: legal or religious ceremony that formalizes the decision of a man and woman to live as husband and wife, including the accompanying social festivities. Via dictionary.com

The “accompanying social festivities” part is the only part that seems easy to put together to me, and just to put things in perspective it takes about a year to plan a wedding.

Unfortunately, the place I am in my life right now comes with the constant reminder of marriage and family. Along with people in my life who worry about their relationship status too much and see marriage as a goal that they MUST eventually reach and every major decision they make, the idea of marriage is considered.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I do want to get married…. someday, but it is not something I dwell on.

I believe that marriage comes to you when it is SUPPOSED to, when God wills it for you. No matter how hard you try to alter who you are to please someone you believe to be “ perfect”. Perfect, they are not ..trust me I’ve been there… No one is perfect …they are only perfect for you.

Don’t ever settle! Make sure this individual fits all that you want in your eternal partner. For example, here are a few things that I would never compromise: He has to be Muslim, educated, kind, understanding, funny , and open to new things.
Now, these are mine…what are yours? Make a list so that you know what you want, concretely.

You must also keep in mind how serious the commitment of marriage is. When you marry someone you are PROMISING forever to that person, divorce should not be an option you fall back on, but a last resort.

When you are considering someone you should keep in mind compatibility not only love. Ask yourself; do I like this person? Don’t think about how good they look ..or how hot your kids will be…or how much money they make or the family they come from. Do you like them? Could you spend everyday with them?

If you can say yes to that question, then by all means! Go for it! Make it forever!
I just believe that every marriage should be that fairytale. The one beautiful day where you marry the person you love and sixty years later you still look at them the way you did on your wedding day. So, make smart decisions not ones just in haste or that are a product of outside pressures. It is your life, your love, and your future.

I wish that for all of you…

Ignited Conflicts...Hope of Change ..

Dr. Mustafa Barghouti and Anna Baltzer discussing a non violent approach to healing the conflict in Palestine. Please email comedy central in your support of this clip..via http://www.comedycentral.com/help/questionsCC.jhtml (make sure to choose The Daily Show with Jon Stewart as your topic).

Thank you! ...remember it is a HUMAN ISSUE! it is a issue of FREEDOM!

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No...It is NOT a crack pipe..smh!

My response to Gabby's blog about her being demonized for smoking hookah ..




- Sozit

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It's a Hookah... DUH

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